Just like any office, we have a bunch of videos that are sent around with a trillion recipients and subject starts with “FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: CHECK THIS OUT!! FW: UNBELIEVABLE”. Not much can be done about that but it does provide a nice atmosphere, a couple of months ago, we ran across this video by Top Gear:
After seeing how NASA is able to create their cloud of rain, we asked ourselves, as leaders of cloud hosting, why can’t we make our own real cloud machines?! The minute the video was displayed in the meeting, our engineers simply said “Challenge Accepted” and left the meeting room, no one ever heard of them ever since, until today.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to announce the first ever cloud hosting service, fully scalable, redundant and reliable. We’re not talking hosting a machine on a server mumbo-jumbo, no, the real deal, real, cloud, hosting.
Now, you might ask yourself, how can you possibly do such thing?! That’s impossible! Well, allow us to explain to you how this great platform works.
When you create a new server, our system sends a scheduled task to one of those machines like in the one in the video (except ours is located in Montreal, QC) — When you come up in the queue, the machine automatically grabs the amount of CPUs that you required from a large inventory of CPUs, creates a hard drive with just the right amount of space required and includes RAM chips as required.
We add to this a special liquid named “code cloud” which contains minerals extracted from the moon, a lab-generated top secret mixture, and a drop of ketchup. The final mixture is then poured into a Blendtec blender and mixed at super-speeds (important detail, we hired someone to say “will it blend?” before each server creation)
Afterwards, the generated liquid is then poured into a machine equivalent to the one that NASA has and provisioned into the world, as a real cloud server. Now you ask, how in the hell will it connect?!
We thought of this, we have implemented top of the line technology with 16 satellites all over the world connecting these clouds and providing them with high-end bandwidth. We have did it, real cloud hosting, and we promise that you will not be disappointed. Try it out today.
Hint: Have you checked what day it is today?
On the other hand, our cloud service is exceptional and provides you with a service that’s almost inexistent in the cloud industry, with providers simply supplying regular virtual servers and labelling them as “cloud” — While boasting about 3 hour recovery times if a server fails.
Our cloud platform consists of a centralized storage system connected to numerous hypervisors over redundant networks.
Internet provider failure? Recoverable instantly with no downtime.
Internal storage network failure? Recoverable instantly with no downtime.
Centralized storage failure? Recoverable instantly with no downtime.
Storage disk drives failure? Recoverable instantly with no downtime.
Power failure? Recoverable instantly with no downtime.
Hypervisor/host failure? Recoverable within 2 minutes as your server reboots on another host.
The only possible time where your server could fail is if the hypervisor hardware fails, which includes built-in components such as CPUs, RAM or motherboards, something that almost never ever fails.